Forget patches. Forget gum. Forget willpower. The UK's most effective quit-vaping aid is one (1) Joe, vaping, in your general direction.
Clinically proven*. *by Kieran, who has now stopped.
0
vapers cured by watching Joe on this page. Keep going. For the nation.
100% Joe 0% cool NHS pending
Exhibit A
Patient zero
Confirmation #FG8W5L5NN
Thank you, Kieran!
Why did you want to quit vaping or smoking?1/6
Why did you want to quit vaping or smoking?
Next
Kieran today. Vape-free. Pint in hand. Absolutely unbearable about it.
Kieran bought an actual quit-vaping device. With actual money. When the company asked why, he didn't say "my lungs". He didn't say "the £40 a week". He said Joe.
Joe is now, officially, on record, a medical reason.
Joe
Lungs
Money
The van constantly smelling of Blue Razz Ice
Doctor's advice
Top reasons people quit vaping, 2026. Source: the group chat.
Peer reviewed by the lads
Clinical trial results
0
of vapers who watched Joe vape for 10 seconds quit on the spot. The other 3% were Joe.
0
clouds blown by Joe that have ever made it higher than his own chin.
0
average time between Joe taking a hit and Joe coughing like a Victorian orphan.
0
total cost to the NHS if they just followed Joe around with a camera. Absolute bargain.
Trial size: one Kieran. Margin of error: Joe.
The research team, moments after the breakthrough.
Lead researcher (right): Kieran. Put his own lungs on the line for science. Wore a Subaru rally jacket for reasons that remain unclear.
Senior partner (left): the moustache. Funded the study, bought the domain, brought the moustache. Moral support only.
For reference: what cool is actually meant to look like.
Test subject: Joe. Not invited to the photo. Would have coughed on the lens.
Study him. Then never do any of it.
Joe's signature moves
A tragedy in five photographs
Joe through the ages
Historians agree it all started so well.
Year 10Pre-vape. Peak Joe. We didn't know how good we had it.First jobShirt. Tie. Asked "can I vape in here?" in the interview.GraduationFirst-class honours in Making Things Weird.The Blue Steel eraTrying to look cool. Isn't even vaping and it's already not working.
Present dayVaping. Coughing. Curing the nation.
It's not just vaping
Other cool shit Joe has done
Exhibit B. A perfectly good camera install. Neat conduit. Straight runs. Lovely. And then Joe had an idea.
INCIDENT BOX-001 Status: under investigation
Reported by
Literally everyone who has looked up
Severity
Aesthetic — critical
Boxes required
0
Boxes installed
1
Contents
Air. Possibly a single Wago. Possibly a vape.
Joe's explanation
"It's for the cable."
The cable
Already in the conduit. Doing fine. Didn't ask for a box.
Root cause
Same as the vaping. He just can't help himself.
Resolution
This website.
NOT COOL
The science
How the Joe Effect works
Watch closely. This happens every single time.
VAPE 'N' THAT
Kieran: main character energy 😎
*pfft* *COUGH COUGH*
Kieran: …is that what I look like? I'm done.
1. You vape.You feel like the main character. Big cloud. Wind in your hair. Nobody can stop you.
2. Joe vapes.A cloud the size of a Malteser leaves his mouth and immediately gives up. He coughs for eleven minutes.
3. You see yourself in Joe.The vape goes in the bin. You take up running. You call your mum. You are healed.
Sign it. For Britain.
The petition
We are calling on the Government to replace the health warnings on every vape in the UK with a single photograph of Joe, mid-puff.
Scientists estimate it would end youth vaping within a fortnight. Trading Standards say it's "frankly a bit much". We say it's a bit much not to.
12,847 signatures
Target: 100,000 (so Parliament has to debate Joe's technique)
WARNING: VAPING MAY CAUSE YOU TO LOOK LIKE JOE
Get help to quit: stand near Joe. Or the NHS. Honestly either.
Asked frequently, mostly by Joe
FAQ
Is Joe aware of this website?
He posted the link in the group chat himself. This is entirely his own fault.
Didn't the website not work at first?
Correct. Will clicked it and said "how strange, it doesn't work." It works now. Unlike Joe's vaping technique, which has never worked and never will.
Can I hire Joe for my own quit attempt?
Joe is available for private sessions, school assemblies, stag dos and NHS pilot schemes. Simply stand within two metres of him while he vapes. Results in 3–5 seconds. Rate: one meal deal (the good one, with the Frazzles).
Are there any side effects?
Second-hand embarrassment. Involuntary cringing. A sudden urge to take up running. In rare cases, calling your mum.
What flavour does Joe vape?
He'll tell you it's "a blue one". When pushed, "a nice blue one". Joe is the only man alive who can make a vape taste of disappointment.
So does Joe actually make anything cool?
Yeah, loads, he's a top lad. He just makes vaping look like a medical procedure. Never change, Joe. Actually — do change. Put it down.
Is this medical advice?
Absolutely not. But if you do actually want to pack it in, the NHS has free help that's (slightly) less weird than Joe: NHS Better Health — Quit.
